Blue Jamocha Buffalos In Mesquite

I'm not proud to admit it, but for some reason I ate at an Arby's yesterday.  I don't know why. I'm not particularly fond of Arby's, but I guess it was where I stopped when hunger found me. While I was there I took the time to enjoy the best thing about Arby's (No, not the Beef n' Cheddar, but those are mighty tasty--but I don't think that's really cheddar), the Jamocha Shake.

Yes the Jamocha shake, one of the only reasons to stop at an Arby's. Well, that and if it's the only place to eat near where you stopped to get gas while on a road trip.  Anyway, I enjoyed my jamocha shake but I suddenly had a certain realization.  I don't even know what jamocha is.  I find it strange that we as a society so often consume things without even knowing what they are.  I have never been anywhere other than Arby's where I have had a jamocha-flavored-something.  Which leads me to one and only conclusion.  Jamocha is a fake flavor.

Now I know people may say that jamocha is some type of coffee bean.  But if that's true, why don't they call the Arby's shakes coffee shakes.  Seriously, the only other time besides this shake that I've seen the word jamocha used is in the name of a style of granite counter-tops. That's it.  Arby's shakes and counter tops.  Does that sound like a real flavor to you? 

It is just another item in the long line of fake flavors the food industry had been trying to sell us for years.  When I was a kid, on a hot summer day my Mom would often give us popsicles.  They came in a big cellophane bag that listed the five "flavors."  The flavors were Cherry, Banana, Orange, Grape, and Blue.  Which of these items to you think doesn't belong?  That's right.  Blue is a color, not a fruit. 

Now there will be some who say, the blue popsicle is in fact raspberry flavored.  To them I say, really?  Have you ever seen a blue raspberry?  Does that really taste like a raspberry to you? Seriously?  If somebody said blueberry I might believe them, I mean, they're blue right?  Even the makers of the popsicles knew that calling it raspberry was a stretch, that's why they called them blue.  Blue is a fake flavor.

Jerry Seinfeld once made a joke about the flavor "Mesquite" where he wondered if the flavor came from mosquitos.  That actually would make sense because who knows what a "mesquite" really tastes like.  If I went to Mesquite, Nevada (where I assume this flavor is referencing) got on the ground and ate the dirt, I bet it would taste absolutely nothing like the so called "flavor" mesquite.

I want flavors that describe what they really are.  Lemon Pepper? Check.  I know what both lemons and pepper taste like.  Orange Sesame?  Okay.  I am familiar with both oranges and sesame seeds, so I'm with you.  Barbecue? Well, I can sort of see where you are going with that. Buffalo?  Now hold on a second.

Buffalo sauce doe not taste anything like an actual buffalo.  Just like mesquite, it is a fake flavor. If I caught a buffalo and bit into him, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be tangy and spicy like the sauce.  It would probably just taste like hair.  

We eat so many artificial colors and flavors in a day anyway.  Doesn't it seem fair to just name things correctly, so that I at least have a fighting chance of knowing what I'm consuming.  I know there is a whole army of fake flavors out there, just waiting for unsuspecting people to accept them as real, and begin consuming mass quantities.  

Got a fake flavor I should know about?  Let me know.